Gonna Walk
by upthenorthmountain
Summary: Modern AU, Kristanna, still British. Everyone loves a fake relationship story, right?
1. Monday

"Thanks so much again for driving me," Anna said when they were still an hour away from the Lakes.

"It's no problem. You're on my way."

"I know, but it's still a bit _out_ of your way."

"I already said it's fine. You're giving me petrol money, I'll still be on time to meet Sven at the campsite. Don't worry about it."

Anna hesitated for a moment.

"Because I was wondering, actually," she said, "if you could do me another _huge_ favour."

"...oh?"

Anna bit her lip, glanced at him, then rushed on. "You see, when this trip was planned I was going to bring my boyfriend, and my cousin Stephanie? She was really keen to meet him, well, she's never met any of my boyfriends because it just never works out that way and we have this joke, well, _she_ has this joke, about how they're all imaginary or all such losers that I can't stand to introduce them to anyone. And anyway I was going to bring Rob this time and I told them all I had this great new boyfriend and they would all meet him and everything. And then. Last week, we broke up." She sighed. "And I just said, to Steph, something about how he might not be able to come and she's been teasing me all week by text message and winding me up and I can't stand five days of it. I can't. So. I was wondering. I haven't told them anything _about_ this boyfriend, because they were all going to meet him, I haven't even told them his name, so -"

"No."

"What? I haven't even got to the favour yet."

"It's no."

"All I need is to _introduce_ you, then say you're off to do your mountain-climbing thing or whatever, then I don't know, kiss me on the cheek and leave and that'll be it. You'll never see any of them ever again."

"No."

"Please. Please. Just for five minutes while you're in the house. It's just my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle, and my two cousins. You don't have to do _anything_ other than say hello."

"You're mad. No."

Anna pouted and slid down in her seat. "Fine."

They drove on in silence.

Then she said, "I'll go to France."

"What?"

"The Year Six day trip to France. I'll take your place. I know you asked Shirley if you could not go because you wanted to go to a wedding, and she said only if you found another teacher to take your place, and no one wants to because it's a Saturday and ridiculous hours. But I'll do it."

"If I pretend to be your boyfriend."

"Just while you're at the house, yes."

"It's worth that much to you."

"I know it's pathetic. But, yes."

He really wanted to go to that wedding. It was one of his oldest friends, and he'd been gutted when he realised it was the same day as the trip. And he hadn't been especially wild about spending twenty hours - half on a coach, half in a foreign country - with sixty excitable eleven-year-olds as it was.

This was supposed to be a favour for a colleague, and a way to save some money on his drive up here for his half-term camping holiday, by delivering Anna to her family holiday ten miles away. That was all he was going to do.

But it was true he'd never meet any of her family ever again. And it was also true that he didn't want to go to France. Oh, what the hell. What the hell.

"Okay," he said. "I'll do it."

"You will?"

" _Just_ for as long as I'm in the house. I will pretend to be your boyfriend, or at least will not deny it if introduced as such."

"Thank you."

"And you'll tell Shirley first thing next week that you'll take my place on the trip."

"I will."

"Okay." He took one hand off the wheel and held it out to her. She shook it. "Deal."

* * *

The rented farmhouse where Anna's family were spending their holiday was down the end of a long dirt track. Kristoff's old Landrover bumped along, and Anna exclaimed over how glad she was that they were in his car and not her tiny hatchback (Kristoff privately wondered how she would have fit the two suitcases she apparently needed for five days in the back of her car, anyway). He parked to one side of the house and helped her get her cases out of the boot.

Anna knocked cheerfully on the door. After a minute it was opened by a middle-aged woman in a blue jumper who shouted "Anna! Anna's here!" and hugged her. She beckoned them in and Kristoff followed them both through into a large, cosy kitchen at the back of the house.

"Hi everyone!" Anna said. "We're here!"

"Anna!" An elderly lady stood up from her armchair and walked over to hug her. "It's so wonderful to see you, my dear! And who is this? Your young man?"

"This is Kristoff," Anna said, smiling and putting her hand on his arm. "He's not staying, I'm afraid, he's going over to Coniston to meet a friend, and they're going to do mountain climbing and biking and kayaking and all kinds of things. But we drove up together. Kristoff, this is my grandma."

"A pleasure to meet you, Mrs Rendell," Kristoff said, hoping that was right, but apparently it was because no one corrected him.

"And this is my grandad," Anna said, gesturing around the room, "And my Uncle John and Aunt Caroline, and my cousins Stephanie and Chloe. Everyone, this is Kristoff. My boyfriend."

"Hi," Kristoff said, and smiled round the room.

"You're not staying?" one of the younger women said. Chloe.

"Oh, no," Kristoff said. "I want to get over to Coniston before it starts to storm."

"Probably wise," John said, "But you'll stop for a cup of tea, at least?"

"Ah -"

"Let him go, John," Caroline said. "He's right, it looks nasty out there. Well, it was lovely to meet you, Kristoff, even if only briefly."

"And you," he said. "Well, Anna, I'd best be off."

"Of course," she said. "Well, drive safe, let me know when you get there…" She raised her eyebrows at him. Oh, right, he was supposed to kiss her. He leant down and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Give her a proper kiss, lad," Anna's grandad said from the sink, where he was filling the kettle. "Don't mind us."

Kristoff looked at Anna. She gave a tiny shrug. Oh, sod it.

He put his hand to the side of her face and kissed her on the lips. Anna leant into it, and it was a few seconds before they parted.

"Okay, well," Kristoff said. "I'll see you all on Friday." He waved to the room and left.

"He seems nice," he heard Anna's grandma say as he went out the front door, then he was back in his car. Job done, and he had a free Saturday in July to go to the wedding.

As he started the engine his phone beeped. _Thanks so much, very convincing! See you Friday x A_

* * *

It was already raining as he pulled away, big fat drops that soon turned the track to thick mud. Kristoff had to drive slowly, windscreen wipers thrashing. Surely this couldn't last long. But the rain kept coming.

Once he was out on the main road - or the paved road, at least - he thought it would be easier, but no. The road was so narrow and high-banked it was basically a stream, with large pools collecting in the dips. He pulled over at the side of the road to find a new route on his phone, but he had no signal at all and it was no use.

He tried to push on a bit further. The road opened out and he thought he was in the clear, until it dropped down next to a river - and was completely underwater. As far as he could see through the pouring rain, it was flooded, and no way to tell how deep it was or if it was safe to try and cross.

He was going to have to go back to the house. Bugger.

* * *

The dirt track was a running river by now, but Kristoff made his way along it eventually. He parked as close to the house as he could, then pulled his jacket over his head and made a dash for the door.

This time it was opened by one of the younger women - Stephanie? - who just stared at him for a second before calling over her shoulder "Anna! It's your _boyfriend_."

"Who?" Anna said, then "Oh! Well, let him in, don't make him stand in the rain."

Stephanie stepped back to let him in, then shut the door and walked away and back into the kitchen without another word. Anna came out into the hall. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. No. The road is washed out by the river, it's completely impassable in this weather."

"Oh, no," Anna said. "Is there no other road?"

"No, not that I can see. I'll have a look on my phone, if there's any wifi here?"

"Ah, no. There isn't."

"Bugger. I've no signal."

"It'll be getting dark soon," a voice said behind them. They turned and saw Anna's Uncle John standing in the kitchen door. "You don't want to be trailing around the countryside in this weather. Stop here tonight and make another go at it tomorrow."

"Oh, I couldn't possibly…"

"It's no problem! You'll have to bunk up with Anna but I assume you don't mind that," and he laughed.

" _Uncle,_ " Anna said.

"And he can help me peel the potatoes. Just making a lovely cottage pie," he said. "What you need on a night like this, eh? Bring your bag in and Anna'll show you which room is yours."

Kristoff looked at Anna. Her expression was one of barely-concealed panic. "I -" he said.

"We can't share a room," Anna said quickly. "What will Grandma think?"

John waved dismissively. "She thought you were bringing him anyway. She's resigned to it, just don't mention it in front of her so we can all pretend it's not happening."

Anna and Kristoff looked at each other. "I guess you'll have to stay," Anna said.

"I guess so."

* * *

Nightmare. _Nightmare._ Kristoff had run out into the rain and returned with a huge rucksack, then before Anna could take him upstairs - and have a private conversation with him - Aunt Caroline was already showing him to the bedrooms. Anna walked slowly back into the kitchen, her stomach flipping. Would he go along with it? Would he reveal her to be a liar in front of everyone? He just had to be friendly and nice, she supposed. He could manage that for an evening, surely?

"So, Kristoff," Aunt Caroline said as soon as they were back in the room with everyone else, "Anna says you work together?"

"Ah, yes. I teach Year Six."

"The big kids."

"Bigger than her Year One, yes. Twice as big, some of them. Ten and eleven year olds."

"The little ones are so sweet," Chloe said, stirring a saucepan on the hob.

"Exactly," Anna said.

"You just like the little ones because you get to do more crafts," Kristoff said, walking over to the cutting board and picking up the vegetable peeler. "You should see her classroom, glitter everywhere." Everyone laughed and Anna flushed.

"You just like the big ones because they know how to sit quietly at their desks," she said.

Kristoff shrugged. "That, and teaching Year Six means I've not yet had to clean wee off the floor, yeah."

"Billy tries his best," Anna said.

"By the time they get to me they're like proper little people," Kristoff said. "They've still got a lot to learn but you can talk to them the same as adults, explain things and they get it."

"My brother teaches teenagers," Caroline said. "He loves it, but I don't think I could stick it for long. Well, everyone's different, and it's a good job."

Anna pulled a chair out from the table and sat down. It was okay; he was going along with it. He was even peeling potatoes, for goodness sake. This was fine. This was all going to be fine.

* * *

It was nearly ten by the time dinner was finished and all the dishes washed. The older people retired first, then after only the four younger ones were left Anna declared herself exhausted from the long drive and she and Kristoff left to go upstairs.

Kristoff went first to the bathroom to brush his teeth and returned in his pyjamas. When Anna came back wearing hers, she found him unrolling a sleeping bag on the floor of the room.

"What are you doing?"

"Good job this was in my rucksack," he said. "Can I have a pillow, though?"

The words _you don't have to sleep on the floor_ were on her tongue but she bit them back. Of course, this was the perfect solution. No one would know they hadn't shared the bed, without them having to actually share the bed. And he had a sleeping bag, and the floor in here was probably still more comfortable than the ground he'd been planning to sleep on, so she didn't feel bad about him having to sleep there. She picked up one of the pillows on the bed and tossed it to him.

"Thanks."

"No, thank _you._ I'm so sorry this has been going on - I didn't know if you'd go along with it -"

He shrugged. "I'm not going to humiliate you in front of your whole family. And I got a good dinner out of it. And I'm definitely not going to France."

Anna laughed. "I can hardly say you didn't keep up your end of the bargain, can I."

"So your grandparents here are your father's parents?" Kristoff said.

"Yes."

"And, I'd guess - your Uncle John is your dad's brother?"

"Yes."

"You look similar."

"Thanks for that."

"Around the eyes, obviously I don't mean you look like a fifty-year-old man."

"I should hope not."

"Where are your parents, couldn't they make it?"

"Well, no. What with their having been dead for ten years."

He looked at her sharply, but she clearly wasn't joking. "They died in a car accident when I was fifteen. I probably should have told you that," she said at his expression.

"Yes, I think so. Anything else I should know so I don't look like a complete doughnut in front of everybody?"

"Um." Anna climbed into the bed and lay down. "I have an older sister, she's like three years older than me? Her name's Elsa."

"Oh yes, your grandma asked if I knew what Elsa was up to, but she didn't seem to expect me to know so I said she'd have to ask you." Kristoff turned off the overhead light and got into his sleeping bag. Anna switched off the lamp by the bed once he was settled.

"She lives in London. Works in finance. Even I don't know what she's up to most of the time. But other than that….my mum was an only child and her parents died when I was little. Dad just had the one brother, so yeah, this is pretty much my whole family, except Elsa."

They lay there in silence for a moment.

"I'll probably push off straight after breakfast tomorrow," Kristoff said. "The roads are probably still not great so it'll take a while."

"Okay."

"And I'm sorry to hear about your mum and dad."

"Thanks. It was a long time ago."

More silence.

"Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight."


	2. Tuesday

"No! Come on, we've been planning this for months."

Anna pulled herself up to full consciousness. Why could she hear Kristoff's voice? Had she fallen asleep in the staffroom again?

"You're sure? It's not that bad, it's just a bit wet - well, okay, very wet…"

No, she was in a bed. In a room. Kristoff was on the phone. Oh, yes, right, that was it.

"I'll go over there today and look at it….oh, well, if you're sure. I don't know, go home I guess. Yeah, well. Wait, you're breaking up -"

Anna rolled onto her back and stretched. Kristoff looked over at her. "Lost signal," he said, putting down his phone, "And Sven's not coming. Says the weather's too bad."

"I can see his point," Anna said. "Especially camping, I bet the campsite is one big muddy puddle right about now."

"I've been looking forward to this for ages," Kristoff said.

He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry," Anna said, pushing herself up on one elbow. "Will you go home?"

"Then I'll have to come back on Friday for you."

Anna shrugged. "I can get the train, someone'll give me a lift to the station."

"Surely you'll have to change at least twice. It'll take all day."

"It'll take you all day to drive up here and get me."

"Well," he said, "I'll get dressed and think about it over breakfast."

* * *

"Of course you must stay here!" Caroline said, looking round the breakfast table for agreement. "Mustn't he?"

"Oh, I couldn't -"

"Don't be silly. We thought you were coming originally, anyway. And you can still go out and do some walks if the weather stays clear, we won't be offended!"

"I -"

"There's some grand walks out of here," Anna's grandad said. "Footpath at the bottom of the lane, goes right up into the hills. Do you have an Ordnance Survey map?"

"Yes, of course -"

"And I'm sure Anna will be happy to have you here," Stephanie said. She raised her eyebrows. Kristoff looked at Anna. She did not look happy, but quickly changed her expression when she realised everyone was looking at her.

"Absolutely," she said. "That would be - awesome."

Stephanie was looking from Anna to Kristoff and back again.

He coughed. "I expect I'll go out for a walk today," he said. "While it's dry. Forecast for the rest of the week is pretty dreadful."

"Well," said Anna, "Let's go upstairs and - unpack your bag again. Okay?"

"Okay," said Kristoff, and let Anna take his hand and pull him up the stairs.

"OK," she said, once the bedroom door was closed behind them. "If you're staying, you can kiss me, but no tongues. You may put your hand on my arm, my waist or my shoulder, but not - anywhere else. And, and I told my aunt we'd been together about six months, and we met at work, and…"

Kristoff leant on the closed door and folded his arms. "I'm not planning to be here most of the time," he said. "Tell your aunt what you like."

"Okay. Okay, that's probably easiest, if you go out on some long walks…"

"You really think you can pull this off? Four more days?"

"Of course. Yes. Why not?"

"Your cousin doesn't believe it."

"Which cousin?"

"The bitchy one, not the nice one. Stephanie."

"She's not...okay, whatever. Well, we'll have to _make_ her believe it."

"Oh, lord. You know, the longer you let it play out, the worse it'll be when they work it out."

"They won't. Why would they?"

Kristoff knelt next to his rucksack and started taking things out, neatly piling clothes and his washbag at the side of the room, finding his maps and compass. "I'll get out of your way today, anyway."

"Okay. So you are staying?"

He looked at her. She was wringing her hands.

"Well, I guess I either stay here or I go home," he said.

"Well, yes."

"And I don't want to go home and spend all week with nothing to do except be annoyed that I'm not in the Lakes."

"Free room and board," Anna said.

"In exchange for taking part in your daft plan." He smiled.

Anna shrugged, but now she was smiling too. "It's not really a plan. It's more of a - ruse."

"A scheme."

"A game."

"Well, my next move is that I'm going to go downstairs, fill my water bottle, put on my boots and take to the hills," Kristoff said. "I'll see you later."

"Okay. Have a good time."

Kristoff left the room. He was at the top of the stairs when he heard Caroline say "I'll just go and see what Kristoff wants in his sandwiches, I think he's upstairs," from the hall.

He turned quickly, and walked back to his and Anna's bedroom. Opening the door, he found Anna rummaging in her suitcase. The pillow and sleeping bag he'd used the night before were still on the floor; quickly, he gathered them up and threw them on the bed, but it still looked suspicious and he didn't have time to make it properly. "What's up?" Anna said. The footsteps were nearly at the door now.

He had an idea. Later, he wondered what on earth had possessed him, but at the time it seemed perfectly reasonable to pick Anna up bodily, drop her on the bed - on top of the incriminating pile of pillow and sleeping bag - throw himself down next to her and kiss her firmly on the lips.

Anna made a sort of yelp when he dropped her, but the kiss shut her up quite effectively. She put a hand up onto his shoulder but didn't push him away; he wrapped an arm round her waist to hold her in place as he kissed her, and found to his shock that after her initial surprise had passed she was kissing him back.

There was an "Oh!" from the doorway. Kristoff pulled back, and Anna leapt away and sat up, blushing and looking slightly rumpled. "Aunt Caroline," she said. Caroline coughed. "I'm sorry to interrupt," she said in a slightly strangled voice, "I was just packing Kristoff a lunch and I wondered if he wanted ham or cheese in his sandwiches…"

"You don't have to make me lunch, Mrs Re- Caroline," Kristoff said, standing and finding his bag again.

"Oh, it's no trouble - ham or cheese?"

"If you're sure - ham is fine, thank you."

"I'm sorry," Kristoff said as soon as Caroline was gone. "I wanted to hide the stuff on the bed and that seemed the quickest way -"

"Oh. Yes. Of course," Anna said, running her hands through her hair to tidy it. "Um. You could have thrown everything behind the bed, though."

"...oh."

"I mean, it's okay - um. I was just unpacking..." Anna got up and went back over to her case, her back to Kristoff.

"OK. I'll - I'll go then. See you later."

"Okay."

* * *

Well, that had been - interesting, Anna thought once she was alone in the room again. He was committed, anyway. Or taking advantage? No, she didn't think so - he'd just put his arm round her waist, after all, and there were other places he could have put his hand. She trusted him.

Maybe that was why she'd asked him to do this. Not because she, you know, _liked_ him, she didn't, but because she trusted him. She'd worked alongside him for nearly three years now and she knew she could count on his word, and that he was a gentleman, in the best sense of the word. She felt a bit bad that he was now stuck with her for the week. But he hadn't seemed to mind.

* * *

Well, that had been - interesting, Kristoff thought as he set off down the footpath. Not how he'd expected this week to go, at all.

Was he really prepared to spend the rest of the week pretending to be Anna's boyfriend? Four days could be a long time. Even if he stayed out of the house as much as possible, that was still three more breakfasts, three more evening meals, plenty of other incidental conversations with her relatives. Sleeping in the same room as her every night.

And there was also the fact, there, that he wasn't being entirely honest with her. If she knew how he really felt - would she have been so keen?

* * *

Kristoff managed to stay out of the house for most of the day. It was wet underfoot but the weather itself stayed dry, and it was no hardship to spend the time enjoying the gorgeous scenery. He couldn't do any of the walks he'd planned with Sven, but he found another that was just as good, and he finally returned to the house about seven.

To find the place full, but quiet. Some sort of huge casserole was cooking in the oven, making the whole house smell delicious; Anna's grandparents and aunt and uncle were dozing in armchairs in front of a fire in the living room, and the three younger women were chatting and giggling about something upstairs. Kristoff banged as much mud as he could off his boots and put them to dry by the back door, then hesitated at the bottom of the stairs. He didn't want to interrupt, but he also really wanted some dry socks. In the end his feet won.

Anna was in the bedroom Chloe and Stephanie were sharing. The three of them were lounging on the rug on the floor, with a tin of biscuits and some empty mugs of tea.

"Kristoff!" Anna said when she saw him. "Did you have a good walk?"

"Yes, thank you," he said. "Did you girls have a nice day?"

"Anna ate all the chocolate biscuits," Chloe said sadly.

"I did not. Steph did."

"Grandma did," Stephanie said, rolling onto her back. "Sneakily. While the tin was downstairs."

"Blaming old ladies, that's a new low," Anna said.

"Shush," Stephanie said. "Or I will tell him who ate my Easter egg that time."

"No, no, no - I was five, anyway, it's not like it was last month -"

"I'll leave you all to it," Kristoff said, backing out of the door. "I just came upstairs for some dry socks."

* * *

At bedtime Kristoff waited until the bedroom door was firmly shut, then unrolled his sleeping bag again. Anna watched him, biting her lip.

"Look, this is silly," she said. "You don't have to sleep on the floor. We're both adults, we can share."

Kristoff said nothing, just looked at her.

"Of course, if you tell anyone at school about any of this, I'll have to murder you," Anna continued. "I think that's fair."

Kristoff nodded. "That floor is pretty hard," he said. He hesitated, then sighed. "It's up to you."

"Okay, then. Okay. I'll sleep on this side, and you can sleep there." She pointed to the left side of the bed. "Neutral zone down the middle."

"I'm not going to - encroach."

"I hope not."

Kristoff rolled up his sleeping bag and stuffed it back into its bag. He took his pillow from the floor and put it on the bed, then lay down. "Yes, definitely better than the floor."

"Um. Good."

Anna hesitated a second, then climbed into the bed. "I really am very sorry about all this," she said.

"I know. You keep saying."

"I didn't think we'd end up actually, you know. Sharing the bed and everything."

"And all because I'm the one who drove you up here."

"Well - not exactly. I mean - do you think I'd have asked Simon or someone to pretend to be my boyfriend?"

They both grimaced at the thought of the teaching assistant. "I would not kiss Simon for a ruse," Anna said. "I would not kiss him for a bet. I would not kiss him for a _million pounds_."

"I thought you all swooned over Navid," Kristoff said.

"Navid? No! He likes to think we do. But, no. No. Actually, a lot of the women quite like you," Anna said.

"Me?"

"Yes. Ever since you jumped Julie's car that time. She said you were ever so sweet."

"Huh."

"Considering your options now, are you."

"Little bit."

He stretched, and put his arms behind his head. "Any plans for tomorrow?" he said.

"Not really. It's supposed to rain, I'm afraid."

"Yes, I saw.."

"If they're forecasting rain it's usually correct."

Anna went quiet for a while, then she said "There's a cupboard full of board games in the living room."

"Oh, lord alive."

"You know you want to play Ludo with a random co-worker's grandfather. It's all you ever wanted from the half-term holiday."

"It would be creepily specific if it was."

Anna laughed. "I suppose so."

"I'm more of a snakes and ladders man, anyway."

"I'll bear that in mind." She snuggled down under the covers. "Goodnight, anyway."

"Goodnight."

* * *

She was lying on the bed, and Kristoff was kissing her, but there was no interruption this time. He was kissing her, and his hands were wandering - he was rolling her over onto her back, and pulling off her clothes -

Anna woke up, her heart beating hard in her chest. "Kristoff," she gasped, without even meaning to.

"Mm? W'issit?" He had rolled over and was blinking at her.

"You were snoring," she said quickly.

"Oh, sorry. I'll sleep on my side, sorry," he said and turned away again.

Anna turned her back to him. She was sure her cheeks were bright red. She couldn't believe she'd had a dirty dream about _Kristoff_ \- why were brains so weird? It was probably just because she'd spent so much time with him recently, as well as that kiss - what _had_ he been thinking? Panicking, she supposed.

She just needed to calm herself down until she could get back to sleep; her heart was still racing. Why did he have to be lying so close? She didn't have any room to move over. There were barely two inches between them and she could feel the heat from his body. _This was all your idea_ , she reminded herself. _He doesn't want to be here at all._


	3. Wednesday

On Wednesday it rained.

Not quite as apocalyptically as on Monday, but in a more determined way, making it quite clear it could keep it up all day. The sound of the rain on the windowpanes was the first thing Kristoff heard when he woke up in the morning, and although he knew it was morning it was gloomy enough that he had to put on the light to find his clean clothes.

He'd got out of the bed carefully to avoid waking her, but when he put on the light Anna grumbled and pulled the covers over her head. Well, she was on holiday, he supposed she could sleep all day if she wanted.

It had been a year or two - he wasn't going to calculate it - since he'd shared a bed with anybody. It had been strange waking up and finding her there. He was used to Anna always in motion; at school she was always going somewhere, doing something, talking to someone. In sleep she looked - smaller, somehow, more delicate. But just as beautiful.

* * *

The house was pretty quiet all morning. By lunchtime more people were getting up, and after lunch it was board game time.

"We're going to play Monopoly," Anna told Kristoff cheerfully. "I'm the dog, what do you want to be?"

"I'm good, thanks."

"Oh come on, you have to play! Everyone's playing."

"Everyone? It'll take all afternoon."

"Yes. Come on, pick one."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. What else are you going to do? It's still raining."

He sighed. "I don't know. The hat, then."

This thing was, that Anna's family were genuinely nice people. Her uncle and aunt were quite parental towards her, which he supposed was natural; a few things they said made him wonder if she'd lived with them for a while after her parents died. Her grandma had clearly taken a shine to him, and kept saying how nice it was to have a young man around the place

("Look at all my beautiful granddaughters! You'd think they'd be like flies around the honeypot, but no. These modern girls, I was married by the time I was Chloe's age").

The Monopoly game progressed slowly. Everyone except Anna's grandma played, and there was far more chatting than actual gameplay. Kristoff heard many anecdotes about Chloe's job as a vet; he heard about Stephanie's trip to Iceland; he heard about John and Caroline's recent wedding anniversary.

("We went to this new place near us," Caroline said. "Mongolian barbecue. They cook the food on this big flat metal surface, you choose what you want and they make it right in front of you."

"Like raclette?" Anna said.

"No, more like a stir-fry, but the pan is the size of the table."

"That sounds fun!"

"There's one of those in Worthing," Kristoff said. "I'll take you sometime, if you want."

"Oh, yes!" Anna said. "That sounds great.")

They were sitting next to each other on the floor and she had her hand on his knee. During the whole game she'd been doing that, or picking up his hand and playing with his fingers, or just leaning against his side. It was nice. But he tried not to think about it too much, or it made his stomach hurt.

When the game was finally over, Kristoff slipped out into the hall as the pieces were being packed up. He stood at the bottom of the stairs for a minute, thinking, then realised Anna had followed him out into the hall. "Everything alright?" she said.

"Yes, just going to go upstairs and read for a bit."

"You can read here."

"I need to be in a room by myself. Give me half an hour and then I can be sociable again."

"Oh! Okay."

Anna glanced sideways, through the door into the living room. Everyone in there went back to what they'd been doing as soon as she looked over.

"Kiss me," she whispered. "While everyone's looking."

Kristoff glanced into the living room as well. The speed with which everyone avoided his eye was quite impressive.

Anna reached up and put one hand on the back of his neck. She looked up at him expectantly.

Oh, fuck it. Fuck everything.

He cupped the side of her face with his hand, stroking back a lock of hair with his thumb. He closed his eyes as their lips met, kissing her gently at first, then again more deeply, feeling her lean into his body. When he drew away she followed him before finally dropping back onto her heels.

His face still close to hers, he whispered, "Pretend I said something sweet."

She smiled at him, and bit her lip. He smiled back, then leant forward and whispered right into her ear, "Now pretend I said something filthy."

Anna snorted, and pretended to cough, quickly covering her mouth with her hand.

"Good girl," Kristoff murmured, then he met her eyes for one long moment and turned and walked up the stairs.

Anna felt the blood rush to her cheeks and she swallowed hard. How did _two words_ sound so - she didn't even know what.

She took a couple of steps forward, hopefully out of the eyeline of anyone in the living room, and leant on the banister. She just - needed a second. To remind herself that she really, absolutely did not fancy Kristoff.

* * *

Anna went back into the living room to give Kristoff his half hour of quiet. She picked up her phone, remembered she had nowhere near enough signal to do anything, and found her sketchbook instead. She'd brought it with her to take out and draw, but the weather was terrible, and she always preferred drawing people anyway.

By the time she'd drawn everyone in the room - with their knowledge or without - nearly an hour had passed. So she put the sketchbook aside and went upstairs. She'd had an idea.

Kristoff was sitting in the chair in the corner of the room when she went in, reading. He looked up briefly when she shut the door but didn't say anything.

"Hi! This room is Steph's, right?" Anna said, putting her hand on the wall behind the headboard.

"Yeah, I think so."

"And she came upstairs a few minutes ago so she's in there. And we're above the kitchen, which is empty. Okay."

Anna climbed onto the bed, and knelt in the centre.

"What're you doing?" Kristoff asked her. She put her finger to her lips, and starting bouncing her knees up and down on the bed.

"Seriously -"

"Shhh!" Anna stopped, looked thoughtful, then stood up and started bouncing.

"You big kid -" Then he noticed that she was making the headboard bang rhythmically against the wall. He pointed at it. Anna grinned. "Oh my _god_ ," he said. "Really?" She winked.

"You're so weird," he said, and turned back to his book. Anna kept going. "Be nice," she said to him in a low voice, "Or I'll make a loud grunting noise and then stop."

"That's the way you want to play it, is it?" he said. "Fine." He put down his book, tapped his foot in time to her bouncing a few times, then started making high-pitched "Ah!" noises alongside each bounce.

"Is that supposed to be me?" Anna hissed. Kristoff increased his volume. She turned her back. "I'm ignoring you."

"No you aren't," Kristoff said in his normal voice, then in a falsetto he said "Oh! Kristoff! You're so amazing in bed -" Anna bent down mid-bounce, picked up a pillow and threw it at his head. "Ow! I'm just trying to help."

Anna carried on bouncing. "What's your endgame on this?" Kristoff said in a low voice.

"If you don't know how these things go, I'm not helping you."

"Fine." He picked up this book again. "Ladies first. Let me know when my sound effects are needed."

Anna kept bouncing. After a couple of minutes she started moaning on each bounce; then she put her hand over her mouth and made louder, muffled noises. Kristoff couldn't help himself; he put down his book and watched her in amazement.

"Have you done this before?" he said.

"Don't tell my grandma," Anna said, and put her hand back over her mouth to stifle a wail.


	4. Thursday

Anna absolutely did not fancy Kristoff. She had absolutely never noticed the way he pushed his shirt sleeves up on warm days, or the way he ran his hands through his hair when he was annoyed. She'd never asked him to help her with a heavy box of books so she could watch him pick it up. She hadn't suggested they drive to the Lake District together because she wanted to spend time with him.

And she was definitely not pretending to be asleep so she could watch him get out of the bed and stretch.

* * *

Thursday. The fourth day of this.

Although the sun was shining - well, it was shining two miles up, but at least the rain had stopped - the previous day trapped in the house had not done much for Kristoff's temper. He'd managed to get a little time alone, then Anna had come in to play silly jokes on her cousin. Having to be close to her, while knowing it was all a game to her, was getting to be more than he could take.

Which was probably why he baulked when she started suggesting things they could do at breakfast.

"I was thinking, we should talk more about things we've done? Like places we've been to together? Like we could say we went rollerskating -"

"Or we could just eat, and then I'll go out for a walk."

"Oh, it won't take much -"

"Why does it have to take anything? I wish I'd never started this, I really do. Maybe I should just tell them all the truth."

"But you promised. Kristoff, you promised -"

"I promised for five minutes! Then, I promised for _one night_. It's been three nights and this is still going on and it's _insane_ , Anna. We're not convincing anybody -"

"Yes we are. Grandma said -"

"Okay, we're convincing one old lady. But. I'm not doing this any more. I'm going home."

"Everyone will think we broke up -"

"I don't care. This is all your problem, why are you making it my problem."

"You can't break up with me in the middle of a family holiday, who _does_ that -"

"People who aren't together in the first place? Will you please just think about this objectively for a minute and realise how _crazy_ it is?"

Well, he had her there. "I'm sorry," was all she could say. Kristoff huffed.

"I'm going out today," he said. "For a walk. A long one. I'll be back - when I'm back."

"...oh."

He picked up his things and went to leave the room. Anna was standing still, watching him, her eyes big and sad.

"Don't," he said. "Just don't, okay? I'm not the one who started this."

* * *

Anna waited upstairs until her was gone, until everyone else had probably finish breakfast and gone about their day. She didn't think Kristoff was serious about leaving. He certainly hadn't taken his car, or the rest of his things, so most likely he had just gone for a walk and would be back that evening.

Eventually she went downstairs and into the kitchen by herself. She made some toast and a cup of tea, and sat there staring at it.

"Anna? Is everything okay?" It was Chloe, and she sat down next to Anna with an expression of concern on her face.

"Yeah, I…" Anna sighed. Maybe she'd better tell part of the truth, just in case. "Kris and I had a row. I - I don't know. Then he left and said he was going walking today."

Chloe nodded. "Other people's families can be a bit much."

"I guess."

"He'll be back later, though?"

"I guess. I don't know." Anna was surprised to find that her eyes were genuinely prickling with tears. She was clearly a better actress than she thought.

Chloe bit her lip. "Anna, can I say something?"

"Sure?"

"I get the impression he's not normally very demonstrative?"

"I suppose not."

"And you're so keen to show him off, he's having to put on this performance -"

Anna froze.

"- but it makes him feel awkward, and you know everyone and he doesn't. I expect he just needed some time alone."

Anna sighed. "You're probably right."

"But, Anna." Chloe leant over and put her hand on her cousin's. "He's crazy about you. Everyone can see it."

"Really?"

"Oh, yes. The way he looks at you, Anna. He's besotted."

Anna squeezed Chloe's hand. "Thanks."

"So you don't need to, for example, make him have loud sex with you where Stephanie can hear to make her believe it."

"I -" Anna looked up, caught Chloe's eye and blushed. "I would not do that," she said. "That would be - very childish."

They grinned at each other. Chloe said "So cheer up, buttercup," squeezed her hand again, and got up.

* * *

The fresh air and the silence didn't actually help all that much. The hills were still beautiful, and it was nice to properly stretch his legs, but Kristoff's thoughts kept returning to Anna. Had he upset her? Would she still be angry when he got back?

He made himself stay out all day, and was walking slowly along the lane back to the house when he saw two people climbing over the stile onto the footpath ahead of him. It was John and Chloe, carrying some large paper bags.

"Kristoff!" John said cheerfully. "Just heading back, eh? Glad to see it, we were just wondering how we were going to keep yours warm."

"We walked down to the chippy in the village," Chloe said.

"Got you cod and chips, hope that's okay," John added.

"Yes, of course," Kristoff replied. "How much do I -"

"Oh, don't be silly. You're our guest."

Kristoff walked back along with them, chatting, the half-mile more to the house. He got the impression John didn't know he and Anna had argued, but Chloe did.

They arrived at the house and everyone joined them in the kitchen.

"I think Anna's still out the back," Caroline said, as she got out plates and cutlery. "Will someone go and fetch her?"

"I'll go," Kristoff said, "I've still got my boots on."

"Thank you - she just went out the back door and along the path a bit, I think."

Kristoff left the house, wondering what Anna was doing. Reading? But no, after a turn in the path he found her, standing behind a little wooden easel, painting the landscape with watercolours. A bag of paints and pencils and sketchbooks was lying at her feet. She didn't notice him in her concentration, and he stood and watched her for a minute. Her painting was very good. He hadn't known she could paint - well, he'd seen her displays on the boards at the school, and now he thought about it they were always very well done. But this was something else.

After a minute he coughed. "Anna?"

"Hmm?" She turned and smiled at him. "Oh! Hi."

"Um, dinner's ready. Well, John and Chloe fetched fish and chips. I met them as I was walking back."

"Oh, right. I'd better pack up." She started putting her things away.

"But you've not finished."

"I took a photo, I'll finish it another time."

"I'm sorry about earlier," he said.

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I know this has been difficult for you. I wouldn't blame you if you _did_ leave."

"It hasn't been so bad."

"Really?" Anna shouldered her bag.

"Yeah, I mean - all of your family have been so nice, and…"

Anna took his hand, then tugged on it until he leant down, and kissed him on the lips. As she pulled away, she suddenly looked embarrassed, and said "I don't know why I did that, there's no one here to see."

She picked up her painting. "I'd better carry this carefully," she said, "It's not dry. Can you bring the easel, please?"

"Did you bring all this with you?" Kristoff said, picking it up.

"Yes? Why did you think I had two cases? We're only here five days."

"I did wonder."

"So you can stick another night?" Anna asked when they reached the house.

"Yes. I guess. If I must."

"Kristoff -" she said, then stopped.

"What?"

"Nothing."

* * *

After dinner, John disappeared out to his car and returned with a couple of bottles of homemade wine. Its arrival was greeted with cheers, and Anna told Kristoff gleefully about how she and her cousins (not her sister, apparently) used to try and sneak it when they were in their late teens. "It's very strong," she said. "Don't let me have too much."

"Shall I tell him about the time you -" Stephanie started.

"No, you shall not."

"So, how did you two get together," Caroline said once (small) glasses had been poured.

"Oh, I'd wanted to ask her out for a while," Kristoff said. "But she had a boyfriend, and then when they broke up I thought I'd better leave it a while but I was too slow and then she had a boyfriend again, then the same thing happened the next time, so it took a year or so before she was actually single and I worked myself up to making my move."

Anna laughed. "You didn't tell me that. You're making it sound like you had to take a ticket and wait your turn."

Kristoff shrugged. "As long as no one else is waiting," he said, "Because I plan to make them wait a good long while."

Anna smiled at him, and hid her face behind her glass. Kristoff was sitting in one of the armchairs; Anna had been sitting on the arm, but now he held out a hand to her and pulled her onto his lap. She settled into his shoulder, his hand on her hip. He kissed the top of her head, and felt her relax right into him.

* * *

"Let's leave the kids to finish the bottle," John said. "Goodnight, everyone."

"Goodnight."

Once the older people were gone, Stephanie went round and shared the rest of the wine between their four glasses, then held up the empty bottle. "Now we can play spin the bottle," she said.

"We've only got one man," Chloe pointed out. "We could all just kiss him in turn, to save time," and she started giggling.

"No, he's mine," Anna said, and turned in her seat to kiss Kristoff full on the lips. He kissed her back, until eventually she pulled away, laughing. He couldn't tell exactly how tipsy she was, but then he wasn't sure how much he'd drunk, either; it was hard to taste the alcohol in whatever he was drinking. He just knew he felt warm and content and wonderfully happy to have a pretty girl sitting on his knee and kissing him.

"You're so lucky," Chloe said. "Where do I find one like that? Does he have a brother?"

Anna hesitated.

"No," Kristoff said. "'Fraid not. Just a sister."

"That'll do."

"She's married."

"Bum. You guys should get married," Chloe continued. "Have lots of lovely ginger babies."

"Take her glass away, she's had enough," Anna said. "And I'm not ginger, my hair is _strawberry blonde_."

"Ginger," Stephanie said. "Don't you think, Kristoff?"

He leant back a bit to look at Anna's hair. "Can I get away with just saying it's a very beautiful colour?"

"No," the women all chorused.

"Definitely strawberry blonde, then." He kissed the top of her head.

"Kiss-arse," Stephanie said. She was sitting on the floor, with her back to the sofa.

"You're just jealous," Anna said.

"Little bit," Stephanie said. "Still a bit shocked you managed to find such a nice one. Some of your previous ones were _shockers_."

"You never met any of 'em."

"I heard some stories."

"From who? Whom. Is that right?"

"From Chloe. You tell her stuff you don't tell me. Then she tells me. So. Anyway. Like the guy who kept trying to chat up Elsa, while you were in the room…"

"Oh, god," Anna said.

"When we all know Elsa's a lesbian," Stephanie said.

"We don't know that," Chloe said.

"Okay, when we all _suspect._ Have you met Elsa?" Stephanie said to Kristoff.

"No. Not yet."

"She's ver'...I'unno."

"Tall," Anna said, then started laughing.

"She's not _very_ tall. Taller than you, Anna," Stephanie said. "But most people are. Elsa's very….aloof. Some men think that's a challenge. Anyway. I was telling Kristoff about all your exes. Like the one who stole your -"

Anna was still giggling. "Stop, stop, enough," she said. "He doesn't want to hear all this. Oh god."

"Stole your what?" Kristoff said.

"Virginity," Chloe said. She was lying full-length on the sofa.

"No one stole that," Anna said. "I gave it up willingly, I had no use for it."

"Who to?" Stephanie said.

Anna squinted. "I think his name was Adam? No, Aidan." Then she started giggling again, and soon all three women were in fits. "It was -" Anna tried to say through her laughter, "It was very special and meaningful -"

"Kristoff," Stephanie said, "Kristoff, tell us how you lost your virginity."

"Stephanie!" Chloe said. "You can't ask people that."

"I think I just did."

"I'm saving it for my wedding night," Kristoff said, and that set all the women off laughing again.

"We should go to bed," Anna said, once she'd recovered. "Gotta long drive tomorrow. Gonna be hungover. Woops."

"Blame Dad," Chloe said. "What does he even put in this stuff."

"Fruit," Stephanie said. "It's good for you."

* * *

Kristoff eventually hauled Anna to her feet to take her to bed. At the foot of the stairs she wrapped herself around him, kissing him, and he had to almost lift her up step by step. Stephanie rolled her eyes at them and hissed "Get a room," when he pressed Anna against the landing wall for more kisses, so he forced himself away, took her hand and dragged her into the bedroom.

He kicked the door shut behind them and let himself be pulled towards the bed. Anna was giggling as she tugged him down next to her, and she immediately fastened her arms round his neck and kissed him again.

"Anna," Kristoff said, pulling away and laughing. "Anna, you can stop, no one can see us."

"Don't wanna stop," she said, pressing kisses to his jaw and cheek. He put his hands on her shoulders and gently put her away from him. She grumbled, but rolled onto her back.

"Why'd you have to be such a good kisser?" she said. "That's the problem."

"I'm sorry. It's a curse."

"If you weren't a good kisser, wouldn't wanna keep kissin' you."

"Mmm. You're not bad yourself."

"I think I like kissing you," Anna said dreamily.

"I think you've had too much to drink."

"Maybe. An' I think…" she hesitated, then continued with more urgency - "I think I'm goin' to be sick."

"What?"

"I mean it, I mean it, I'm going to be sick -" She leapt up and sprinted out of the room. Kristoff followed her just in time to see her heaving dramatically over the toilet. He followed her into the bathroom, shut the door, and knelt behind her to pull her hair back over her shoulders as she threw up.

After a couple of minutes, she leant back against Kristoff's chest. "I think I'm done."

"Okay."

There was a tap on the door. Kristoff said "Hello?"

"Is everything alright in there?" he heard Caroline say.

"Yes. Anna had a bit too much to drink but she's okay."

"Don't tell her that," Anna said.

"We'll be fine, thank you," Kristoff said. "I'll put her to bed."

"Okay. Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight."

Anna stood, flushed the toilet and went to the sink to splash water on her face. "I'm fine now. I'm always fine after I throw up."

"Good."

She swilled out her mouth with some water, found a stray tube of toothpaste by the sink and rubbed some on her gums. "I'm good. I'm good. Let's go."

She clung to his arm as they went back through to the bedroom, then found her pyjamas and started undressing. Kristoff turned his back as quickly as he could, but she didn't seem to notice, just carried on with what she was doing, then climbed into the bed. Thinking that she was going straight to sleep, he changed quickly and got in next to her.

"Kris?" Anna said.

"Yes?"

"Do you have something?"

"What?"

"Like, a condom, do you have one?"

"What?"

She rolled over towards him and pulled on his arm.

"No, Anna, we are not going to have sex tonight."

"Oh. Is it because I threw up?"

"We weren't going to anyway."

"Oh….okay."

She went silent again, and Kristoff turned away and tried to go to sleep. But not for long.

"Is it because I'm drunk?"

He sighed. "Yes. I mean, not just that. But you ARE drunk and you need to go to sleep."

"Okay. Do you have one, though?"

"Why?"

"In case we want to do it tomorrow."

"We're going home tomorrow."

"Oh, oh, right. And you won't be my boyfriend any more."

"Anna, I'm not your boyfriend anyway."

"Oh. Oh yeah."

She went silent again, and he waited to see if she was finished.

"I am ginger, aren't I. I know it. It's okay."

"Anna, please go to sleep."

Kristoff didn't feel drunk any more, but he must have still been a little tipsy at least because he found himself lifting his arm and saying "Come here." Anna shuffled over and snuggled up with her head on his shoulder. "G'night," she said.

"Goodnight."


	5. Friday

Anna woke. The house was dark and quiet. The bed was incredibly warm and cosy but she was also very aware she needed to get up and go to the toilet. Ugh, what a pain, when she was so snuggly and sleepy and perfectly happy, lying here with Kristoff's arms around her…

...wait.

She was lying on her side, and Kristoff was behind her, and he had his arm round her, and she was snuggled right up against him. How had that happened? And why was it so comfortable?

But nevertheless, she needed to get up. Needed to. She lifted Kristoff's arm as carefully as she could, and wriggled her way out. He muttered something and rolled back over to his side of the bed.

* * *

By the time Anna woke up properly, Kristoff was already up and packing up his things.

"Oh, good, you're awake," he said, when she opened her eyes, groaned, and pulled the pillow over her head.

"M'asleep."

"Come on, we need to get moving or we won't get home until late."

"M'okay wi'that."

"Come on. Shift."

She lay perfectly still, hoping he'd go away. Instead, he took hold of the corner of the duvet and pulled it off the bed. Anna squawked and sat up. "You're so horrible!"

"I am, yes. Come on."

Anna forced herself to her feet, grumbling. She found her clothes, grumbling, and went to the bathroom, grumbling. By the time she got back to the bedroom Kristoff and his things were gone, so she swept her own belongings into her case and dragged it down the stairs.

* * *

After a cup of tea and a piece of toast Kristoff put everything in his car while Anna went round hugging everybody, then starting again at the beginning and hugging them all again. Kristoff did his best to hang back, but Chloe and Stephanie hugged him too, then John shook his hand, and then Anna was hugging everyone again, and he had to say "Anna, we really need to go" about three times before she would get in the car.

Anna started to doze off as soon as they started moving. After a few minutes she wadded up her jacket and wedged it by the headrest for a pillow, and then she was out like a light.

* * *

Anna didn't wake up until they stopped at the services, halfway home. After they'd got back in the car and set off, she sat looking out of the window for a while. She glanced over at Kristoff a couple of times, then finally said "I'm sorry about last night."

"It's okay."

"I was sick all over you then I - propositioned you, of course it's not okay."

"You weren't sick _on_ me, just near me. And it was the vaguest propositioning I've ever seen, it took me a little while to realise what was happening."

"Do you get propositioned a lot?"

"Constantly. It's a struggle to get across the staffroom, some days."

Anna smiled. "It's okay," Kristoff said. "Don't worry about it."

He coughed. "So," he said. "That restaurant."

"Restaurant?"

"The Mongolian barbecue place. Did you want to try it? Next weekend, maybe?"

"Oh!"

Anna looked thoughtful for a minute. "You know what you said the other day," she said, "About how you kept wanting to ask me out but I always had a boyfriend and you were never quick enough?"

"Yes?"

"Was that true?"

Kristoff hesitated, then glanced over at her. "Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Why're you sorry?"

"Because….I should have told you. That I liked you. Before doing all this, you know. This week."

Anna nodded. "You know something? This week you've been pretty much the best boyfriend I've ever had. And you aren't even my boyfriend."

"I liked being your boyfriend," Kristoff said quietly. "I mean, I didn't like the lying. But I liked - the rest."

"The kissing."

"Not just that."

* * *

"You never answered my question," Kristoff said, after he'd parked outside Anna's house and hauled her suitcases out of the boot.

"What question?"

"The Mongolian barbecue restaurant. Next weekend. I can't believe you're making me ask you out twice. Or was avoiding the question a polite way to say no? It was, wasn't it, it's fine, I'll just leave now -"

"No, don't! I meant, I meant to say yes."

"You did?"

"Mm-hmm. I would like to extend," she said, "My boyfriend free trial. Into an - ongoing subscription - this was a better analogy in my head - oh!"

And she couldn't say anything more, because Kristoff was kissing her, and she was kissing him, and it was glorious. _Even my bad ideas turn out pretty great,_ she thought. _So they must be good ideas after all._


End file.
